I was reflecting on the celebration of Valentine’s day and I was struck by how strange a concept it is: putting aside one day a year to celebrate love.  Where is love the other 364 days of the year?  OK, I can hear many of you bemoan that it is just a contrived celebration created by the card, chocolate, flowers and diamond companies.

True, but honestly, are you in touch with love everyday of your life?

Before you answer this question, stop and examine the meaning of love.  For most of us, our idea of love arises out of what we learned from books and movies.  It’s an idea, a fantasy, and no matter how hard we try we can’t seem to experience it on a daily basis.  Now I am talking about romantic love.  Most of us are capable of staying in touch with our love for our children or our pets, no matter what they do.  It is our love for our partners that we struggle to stay connected with day in and day out.

I am sure you have wondered about this and probably come up with reasons of how your partner is lacking in some ways:  “If he was only more sensitive; she was smarter; he understood me; she was more sexual, on and on.”

The reality is: you are looking for your partner to give you something that you cannot receive, until you learn to give it to yourself.

Hardly any of us was shown consistently the kind of love that we are seeking: tender, caring, compassionate, forgiving, generous, accepting, thoughtful and patient .  It is a rare individual that was raised with unconditional love.  Yet we all want it.

We want it because deep inside we know how nourishing and fulfilling it is to be understood and validated for who we are.  The challenge is that the only way we can receive it from another is to be able to give to and receive it from ourselves.  I know you have heard that a million times, but I don’t know if you have heard it in a way that would actually make you pause and hear it on a cellular level.  You need to find a way to love yourself unconditionally; to give yourself all of the things you want to receive from your beloved.  Do you treat yourself in tender caring, compassionate, forgiving, generous, accepting, thoughtful and patient ways?

If you don’t, then you can’t expect others to treat you better than you treat yourself.  If you don’t, then you won’t be able to love others the way they want to be loved.

Recipe for loving yourself

• Begin with taking care of your health: eat well, exercise, get a good night sleep.
• Work on becoming self aware so that you will understand what makes you think, feel and act the way you do.
• Be kind,patient and forgiving with yourself.
• Surround yourself with positive energy and people.
• Challenge your fears and stretch yourself to become all you can be.
• Be true to yourself and don’t worry about what other people think about you.
• Discover what you are passionate about and create a way to generate abundant income.
• Watch the video on loving yourself.

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